Episode 53 – The Convent (2000) / Tabernacle cigar / Bell’s Porter beer

When the night starts off with the ceremonious chugging of a beer and concludes with the chugging of another much darker stronger beer several hours later... YOU KNOW IT WAS A DAMN GOOD NIGHT! AND THAT THE NEXT MORNING IS GOING TO SUCK. These aren't my opinions, it's science folks.

When the night starts off with the ceremonious chugging of a beer…

and concludes with the chugging of another much darker stronger beer several hours later…

YOU KNOW IT WAS A DAMN GOOD NIGHT! AND THAT THE NEXT MORNING IS GOING TO SUCK. These aren’t my opinions, it’s science folks. This is a highly entertaining episode so I implore you to watch or listen below and your day or night will be made instantly better. If nothing else, you’ll desperately want a stiff drink as you join our party (we have that effect on people) and that’ll make things better… it always does.

THE CIGAR – TABERNACLE LANCERO by FOUNDATION CIGAR COMPANY

   

   

   

With its toothy sandpaper-like broadleaf wrapper, huge veins, and somewhat lumpy appearance, the Tabernacle lancero aint necessarily a pretty cigar. And that’s ok, we’ve smoked a ton of ugly cigars that turned out to be Cinderellas in disguise. There’s a unique gunpowder aroma on the preflight sniff and, I shit you not, it’s accompanied by a fireworks taste on the cold draw. Similar to the flavor that swirls in the air right after a strand of Black Cats has just exploded all over your driveway.

There’s copious smoke production right off the bat (I have to say it, Liga Privadaesque smoke production). There’s a nice black pepper spice, a meaty earthiness, cedar, and a strong coffee note in the first third. Yak Boy picked up on some sweetness that we did not detect and Tut picked up on only a hay note and not much else.

   

Once we were well into the cigar, we all began to experience the cedar, coffee, pepper, and a delicious earthiness on the retrohale. Except Tut, who was still zeroing in on the hay note (maybe he’s a horse?). Despite the Tabernacle’s rustic-as-hell appearance it preforms flawlessly with a “stack of dimes” ash. The same flavors continued to come and go throughout the smoking experience with the fleeting additions of cream (I was the only one who experienced it briefly) and a malted milk ball note. I got your Whoppers right here baby… so sorry, that was completely unprofessional of me. It’s worth mentioning that the strength took a giant step forward in the final third which was a nice surprise although there were relight issues that presented themselves towards the end as well.

   

Much like our first experience smoking the El Gueguense from Foundation Cigar Company, we can’t seem to agree on anything here flavor-wise. We really struggled throughout the night to figure this cigar out. The Tabernacle lancero has a lot of what I look for in a broadleaf cigar but, ultimately, I don’t know what this cigar’s personality is. It left me with question marks and I’d like to run out immediately and smoke another sample, in a different vitola perhaps, but at this high of a price point there’s some hesitation to be perfectly honest.

THE BEER – BELL’S PORTER by BELL’S BREWERY

   

   

   

The Bell’s Porter is a very stout-ish porter (yes, stouts are porters but you know what I mean dammit) and it pours like a Coca Cola. The flavor of roasted barley is very dominant upon first sip with chocolate and coffee filing in order next. This porter is Plain F’n Jane, ho hum, and the slightly noticeable addition of bitterness (30 IBU) just barely saves the beer from receiving the dreaded BORING tag. Tut theorized that the Bell’s Porter was also possibly suffocating the flavors of tonight’s cigar and I think he may have been correct with this hypothesis. We truly are internet beer scientists, let this be a reminder to you all…

THE FILM – THE CONVENT (2000)

So we needed to find a “religious themed” film to pair with tonight’s cigar. Tut wanted to explore Rosemary’s Baby, Yak Boy suggested The Name Of The Rose… and I decided to go with the Mike Mendez’s The Convent instead because it features my favorite actress Adrienne Barbeau riding around on a motorcycle in tight bluejeans shooting demons with a giant shotgun.

Can you blame me?

I clearly made the right choice, I am an internet film expert after all. As usual, I won’t reveal anything here regarding our thoughts on the film as we take you through the story scene-by-fucking-scene as only we can on the show, so watch or listen below and prepare yourself to be entertained beyond the realms of this world. Or any other world for that matter. AND, as a special bonus, we made it through the entire episode without Tut making us imagine him with Adrienne Barbeau hair! Remember that nightmare?

THE NUB

   

Tonight was fun! Most nights we gather in The Corner Of No Hope a good time is had by… some but you just never know. While none of the three subjects we put under the microscope tonight blew our collective socks off, I think we elevated them all to another level by simply doing our thing.

Fuck this noise! Sayonara motherfuckers!!!

Please leave us comments on the YouTube episode page, provide us with a review on iTunes, or be a real stud and do both! All these seemingly small gestures would be greatly appreciated as they let us know exactly what you’re thinking about this sweat soaked tidal wave of hardbodied insanity we like to call The Tuesday Night Cigar Club.

Below is tonight’s full episode for both your viewing and listening pleasure. Thank you for checking out The Tuesday Night Cigar Club and we’ll see you next time when we review another cigar, adult beverage, and film. May the wings of liberty never lose a feather…

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Brother of the Leaf, Filmmaker, Prophet, former Mr. South Dakota 1996. I was a bouncer on the child beauty pageant circuit until one too many juice boxes went missing and somebody had to take the fall. I was set up. Ok, I was thirsty. All that hairspray in the air dries out your throat like a motherfu… I apologize to no man. Now I host the Tuesday Night Cigar Club podcast.

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