Episode 54 – The Stoned Age (1993) / CroMagnon Knuckle Dragger cigar / Zima

A lot of old memories bubbled up from the bottom of our pint glasses tonight, some good some bad but all of them fuzzy as hell...

“Penis or pores, dongs or ducts, this Zima is finding a way out of our bodies somehow gentlemen…”
The Doctor

So many Zimas… Look folks, I’m going to keep this week’s episode page super short for the simple reason that I really want you to watch or listen to the show below so I’m not going to spoil shit here. You dig?

THE CIGAR – CROMAGNON KNUCKLE DRAGGER by ROMA CRAFT

   

   

   

The Cro-Magnon Knuckle Dragger has a gorgeous oily black-as-night wrapper that feels like velvet in your hand. There’s hay/barnyard on the preflight sniff and if you put the foot of the cigar to your nose you’ll sense a sweet tobacco aroma that’ll instantly give you a cigar boner*. Strong spice immediately makes its presence known on the retrohale. If you like to experience descriptions in your head like “thick”, “meaty”, and “earthy” then you’ll love the first third of the Knuckle Dragger. Big time nicotine swirls around in your head and a tasty espresso coffee note makes for a perfect dancing partner with the continuing spice. This puppy is full body, full strength, and full flavor. Although, it should be noted, that we all felt that the cigar mellowed out a bit in the second third when the nicotine level dropped to a more reasonable level. Well, a more reasonable level if you’re a wimp who can’t handle the good stuff. But have no fear, the nose tingling spice resurfaces with a vengeance in the final act.

   

Earth, mineral, espresso, and spice… this cigar is absolutely delicious. While there aren’t a ton of transitions per se, the flavors that are continuously present rock the fucking house. There’s flawless construction on display in every aspect that resulted in ample smoke that rolled lazily up the body of the cigar. Tut said the Knuckle Dragger felt “exquisite in his hand” and, while the rest of us might not use such flamboyant adjectives as him, we did agree that the cigar felt as if it was perfectly filled with just the right amount of give when squeezed. And that classic Cromagnon wrapper is just something special, there’s no two ways around it.

   

Especially for this time of year when you can’t smoke outside for more than an hour before you’re sitting in a pool of your own sweat, the Knuckle Dragger is an ideal choice. Great things can indeed come in small packages.

* “cigar boner” © copyright 2017 Tuesday Night Cigar Club

“THE BEER” – ZIMA

We here at the TNCC have a loooong history with Zima and we tell all sort of twisted Zima-related tales on tonight’s episode. The only thing missing was some Bacardi 151 Rum to mix with tonight’s refreshing citrus beverage, as some asshole decided to discontinue manufacturing it. Go fuck yourself Mark Bacardi IV! But about halfway through the show we did start adding several shots of regular old lame Bacardi Rum to our pints and I guess it got the job done… I’m guessing because we all got shitfaced obviously and I don’t remember.

   

   

There certainly is a nostalgia factor to take into consideration with tonight’s beverage, but I’m going to have to insist you watch or listen to the show below to learn just how essential Zima was to our collective youths. Well except for Tut who drank something called Rattlesnake Wine Coolers as a teenager out in East Texas instead… I notice he didn’t use the word “exquisite” to describe those memories. While it certainly is sweet, that sweetness becomes more and more muted with each Zima guzzled. And the citrus component actually brought out the coffee bean flavor of the cigar so that was a pleasant bonus provided by our transparent friend (seriously, when Zima is poured into a pint glass its clearer than water – how’s that even fucking possible???). All in all, I think we were all pleasantly surprised by how well the Zima played with tonight’s cigar and I think it would serve as a non-confrontational pairing partner with most strong cigars giving them a nice citrusy backend if nothing more than that. The end result hours later is a refreshing and perhaps life-saving beverage that can offer you a small but necessary reprieve from the hot-as-fuckin-ballz Central Texas summer. Don’t let internet snobbish knowitalls shame you away from enjoying a Zima or twenty this summer while it’s still around, ztand up and be your own person for the first time in your life godzammit!

It’s zantastic!

THE FILM – THE STONED AGE (1993)

I’m not going to mutter a single word here as far as tonight’s film discussion is concerned. Instead I’m going to use two screen shots to demonstrate just how insane things get in a relative short amount of time. Literally everything is going great one minute…

Rock & Fucking Roll!!!

… and then someone gets punched in the face.

Fear not, it’s all in the spirit of this amazing fun movie! And whether you’re already a fan of The Stoned Age or we’re introducing you to it for the first time be prepared to laugh so hard you spill your Zima all over the place. Yeah, that’s what that is, spilled Zima on our crotches… that’s the ticket. Seriously just pour a drink, light a smoke, and join the party below!

THE NUB

I hope you have as good a time watching tonight’s episode as we did recording it for you. A lot of old memories bubbled up from the bottom of our pint glasses, some good some bad but all of them fuzzy as hell. As our very own Yak Boy says at the closing of the show “You get one life, play at your own risk”. And we be some risk taking bastards that’s for damn sure.

Fuck this noise! Sayonara motherfuckers!!!

Please leave us comments on the YouTube episode page, provide us with a review on iTunes, or be a real stud and do both! All these seemingly small gestures would be greatly appreciated as they let us know exactly what you’re thinking about this sweat soaked tidal wave of hardbodied insanity we like to call The Tuesday Night Cigar Club.

Below is tonight’s full episode for both your viewing and listening pleasure. Thank you for checking out The Tuesday Night Cigar Club and we’ll see you next time when we review another cigar, adult beverage, and film. May the wings of liberty never lose a feather…

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TNCC Podcast

Brother of the Leaf, Filmmaker, Prophet, former Mr. South Dakota 1996. I was a bouncer on the child beauty pageant circuit until one too many juice boxes went missing and somebody had to take the fall. I was set up. Ok, I was thirsty. All that hairspray in the air dries out your throat like a motherfu… I apologize to no man. Now I host the Tuesday Night Cigar Club podcast.

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