Episode 98 – No Chance (2017), Montecristo No 2 cigar, Long-Range Pils beer

We are continuing our march toward Episode 100 one tipsy foot forward at a time!

“Drink water? Fish pee and in that! Beer is the way to go to stay hydrated, scientifically speaking.”
The Doctor

Good Lord it was hot out tonight! So when the temperature starts creeping toward 100° it only makes sense to pour a few dozen pints of a cool refreshing Pilsner, light up some tobacco leaves, and let the good times fucking roll. It also helped too that we were sitting down to discuss a highly entertaining spoof of a classic Arnold film. That’s something we might just know a thing or two about…


Size: 6.1 x 52
Wrapper: Cuba
Binder: Cuba
Filler: Cuba
Box Code: GOS OCT 18
Price: $13.00 (around $16.00 on some reputable websites)




Why did I choose the legendary Montecristo No 2 for tonight’s show, you may be asking? Because it is by all accounts Arnold Schwarzenegger’s favorite go-to Cuban cigar and just like our Death Kiss episode where we paired a fake Charles Bronson with a real Cuban Partagas, tonight we’re gonna pair a fake Arnold with a real Cuban Montecristo. Make sense? Of course it does.


There’s a bit of sweetness and cinnamon on the cold draw before lighting the Montecristo No 2s on fire and then a breadiness and cracker on the initial draw instantly present themselves, which was a very pleasant and mild overall introduction (however there was a tingly spice on the nose as well). I dry boxed these for 24 hours (“the internet experts” say you should either keep Cuban cigars at a slightly lower humidity in storage or let them rest non-humidified for a while prior to smoking) and I believe it helped the Montecristo No 2 mellow out a bit in this instance. It’s a cigar that’s soft in presence initially, on the mild side of medium, and the vanilla note that soon arises adds to that impression.


Leather enters the scene as the party continues and combined with that toasty note it makes for an incredibly smooth smoking experience. There were several relights required at the table tonight, so you can blame that on how much we were talking or something else. In the second half a brief creaminess was introduced and I sure appreciated it and wished it had showed up earlier. The strength (especially through the nose) picked up significantly in the final third as well. The classic Montecristo No 2 is a very nice cigar that didn’t quite blow our socks off but maybe that’s not the sole intention of the blender.I can easily comprehend why Arnold is quick to toss one of these in his mouth at any time of the day.



So we’re basically drinking water tonight. No no, it’s a German style pils and I guess it’s lack of hop bite and lack of flavor is to be expected. But you know, in this day and age when you have the entire spectrum of beers on the tap wall – sometimes you just want something when it’s hot as fucking balls outside to quench your thirst. And this beer did that job refreshingly and admirably.



I didn’t know that this brewery was bought by Miller prior to recording tonight’s show so… is there a chance I would’ve featured it knowing that information? No Chance*. BUT, it’s worth mentioning, that we did switch gears to their Hop Device IPA and it was soooo much better, flavors and happy stuff abound in that one! Citrus and floral elements flood your nose and FLAVOR floods your face. Seek that one out if true enjoyment of the beer drinking experience is your thing.

* ok ok, slight chance. Cheers!


So basically we are getting an unofficial sequel to Commando tonight and it’s done in the style of straight up comedy. I’m personally ashamed of myself for not knowing of this film’s existence until a week or two ago, how did this not show up on my radar sooner? As much time as I sadly spend on social media, I just can’t believe I wasn’t made aware of this film prior to it popping up on my Amazon Prime recommendations. That makes no fucking sense!

Screenwriter Jason Chilton steals the show as “Barrett”

This movie handles the gentle art of the spoof very very well. No Chance is a funny film that’s clearly made by hardcore Arnold fans and it features a surprisingly strong cast that can both sell the jokes and somehow embody the personas of their fictional Commando counterparts convincingly. We have a blast talking our way through this film so click on the links below and JOIN THE PARTY!!!!

Four thumbs up! And, as y’all know, we don’t do that very often.



We are continuing our march toward Episode 100 one tipsy foot forward at a time. I think you’ll have as much fun listening tonight as we did recording it. Is there a chance you won’t like it? No chance. Oh, and if all our talk of movie spoofs gets you curious to see another primo example of the art of spoofery then check this sucker out. Suckas!

Sayonara Motherfuckers!!!

Please leave us comments on the YouTube episode page, provide us with a review on iTunes, or be a real stud and do both! All these seemingly small gestures would be greatly appreciated as they let us know exactly what you’re thinking about this sweat soaked tidal wave of hardbodied insanity we like to call The Tuesday Night Cigar Club.

Below is tonight’s full episode for both your viewing and listening pleasure. Thank you for checking out The Tuesday Night Cigar Club and we’ll see you next time when we review another cigar, adult beverage, and film. May the wings of liberty never lose a feather…









TNCC Podcast

Brother of the Leaf, Filmmaker, Prophet, former Mr. South Dakota 1996. I was a bouncer on the child beauty pageant circuit until one too many juice boxes went missing and somebody had to take the fall. I was set up. Ok, I was thirsty. All that hairspray in the air dries out your throat like a motherfu... I apologize to no man. Now I host the Tuesday Night Cigar Club podcast.