Film Review – Bloody Murder 1 & 2

“Ready Or Not, Here He Comes!”

Oh, boy. Why a man of medicine such as myself continues to practice self-abuse is something I have a hard time reconciling. And by self-abuse, I speak not of my propensity for strong drink, cigars and fine dining but rather whatever strange set of impulses compelled me to once again view the summer camp slasher movies Bloody Murder and its sequel, Bloody Murder 2. Feeling in spirit with my TNCC brothers I decided that the beverage should match the movie, so I hopped over to the local confectionary for several twenty-four ounce cans of Steel Reserve 211 High Gravity malt liquor and then repaired myself back to The Doctor’s Office for some Sunday viewing.

LET’S GO TO CAMP!

The concept for Bloody Murder (1999) is fairly derivative in that it involves some nubile camp counselors and the legend of a serial killer stalking the nearby woods, in this case the immortal Trevor Moorhouse (note the same number of syllables and alliterative quality as that of the name Jason Voorhees). Trevor, who of course wears a white face shield of some sort that approximates a hockey mask, was a camper from back in the day who yada yada yada you get the picture.

Our initial installment takes place before the campers have arrived. The teenage counselors are setting things up in preparation for another summer of hijinks. While drinking contraband beers around the campfire of Camp Placid Pines (switch 2 letters in that last word and you have Camp Placid Penis; I couldn’t resist) we are told of the story of Trevor Moorhouse and how it is “camp lore.” Our counselors then engage in a game of Bloody Murder. I remember playing the same game as a child, only we called it Hide-And-Go-Seek.

As usual, none of the actors playing the counselors are under the age of twenty-eight and neither did any of them matriculate at the Stella Adler institute. My favorite is the smarmy Dean (Michael Stone, unfortunately yet to appear in anything since) who was once described by TNCC founding father Matthew Cade as “a cross between The Doctor and a young talentless Bruce Campbell” which of course I took as a compliment in the extreme. Dean’s primary objective is to get back with his girlfriend Whitney (Tracy Pacheco) and he decides that the best way to go about said wooing is to row her in a canoe out into the middle of the lake and then swat at her hands and arms with the rowing oar when she tries to escape. She eventually succeeds in jumping into the water and almost drowns. Needless to say, they don’t get back together before they are summarily dispatched. There is also an amusing scene where Dean confirms with fellow counselor and requisite bad boy Jason (Justin Martin) as to their possession of hidden and presumably illegal alcohol. The scene is amusing because Dean is obviously thirty-four years old. This by itself doesn’t bother me; teenagers in horror movies – and everything else for that matter –have generally been portrayed by much older actors. In fact, who doesn’t enjoy a grade B slasher movie featuring thirty-year old actors playing seniors in high school? Nobody I want to know.

The problem with Bloody Murder is that the screenplay seemed for all the world to have been written by an eighth-grader with no knowledge of the format. It violates most of the stock rules, including introducing the same characters to us in different scenes a couple of minutes apart and some really bad/amusing voiceovers. Some of the dialogue is laughable as well, such as this gemstone from Jason to Julie, the cute girl-next-door type who always serves as the virginal heroine in these things “You know Jules, despite what your father thinks about me, I’m not the big bad wolf.” This was said with sincerity, mind you. The other actors sharing a car with Jason and Julie snicker, and after several viewings I still can’t be sure if the snickering was in the script or if they just couldn’t help themselves. Julie is played by an actress names Jessica Morris, who according to imdb.com has 74 acting credits as of this writing. Well, I’ll be damned. Also according to IMDB, young Jessica was actually only 20 at the time of shooting. In all fairness, she isn’t given much to do here except run around and look terrified and/or confused, which could have been a reaction to the material rather than an acting performance. Still, it’s hard to imagine anyone coming out of this and having a career. Then again, I am more a man of science than the arts, so what do I know.

There is a whodunit factor involved in Bloody Murder, so I won’t spoil the ending. Is it Trevor Moorhouse? Or did one of our counselors snap and go psycho? Or could it be the town sheriff, who if he is not masquerading as Trevor Moorhouse certainly looks like he might’ve eaten him? That was unbecoming of me, I’m ashamed of myself. You’ll have to sit through all 90 minutes to find out the answer…which I recommend that you do. Far too many movies have been labeled “so bad that it’s good” that it has become an overused term in movie critic vernacular. Is it really “so bad that it’s good” or is just plain bad? In my opinion, Bloody Murder rightly deserves the designation. If you appreciate summer camp slasher movies like yours truly, you will find yourself laughing at the scenes/choices/performances that obviously have something wrong with them. You’ll enjoy the much older actors playing teenagers, you’ll enjoy the depiction of a late 1990’s email system and you’ll enjoy the requisite appearance of the creepy old man who lives in the woods and tries to issue warnings that fall on deaf ears. So the next time you are faced with a rainy spring day on the cusp of another summer not quite arrived or you merely find yourself yearning for the freewheeling shenanigans of your own halcyon days of summer camp, then queue up Bloody Murder. Add domestic malt liquor at your own risk.

THE SECOND CUT IS THE DEEPEST

Somehow for reasons that I cannot fathom, there was enough of a profit margin or notoriety from Bloody Murder that Mainline Releasing gave us a bloody sequel, the bloody Bloody Murder 2! This 2003 release takes us back to Camp Placid Pines for another chapter in the Trevor Moorhouse legacy. We begin with a dream sequence where camp counselor Tracy (Katy Woodruff) is standing in the snow and sees her brother Jason emerge from a wall of purple light before he is impaled with a chainsaw by Trevor Moorhouse. Jason himself was a camp counselor who went missing at Placid Pines some 5 years earlier. This serves as our only tie-in to the original film as one of the counselors from part one is named Jason. When Tracy awakens from the nightmare, we are back in camp. So…what in the hell is wrong with her parents? Their son goes missing under foul play circumstances five years earlier, and part of the grieving process is to send their daughter to the same camp? Shouldn’t these people be arrested for criminal negligence involving their children? Friends, these are questions The Doctor shouldn’t be asking himself when drinking Steel Reserve.

The sequel looks like it was filmed in the same place as the original, only now the leaves are falling and the shadows are growing larger. Instead of taking place the few days before camp begins, Bloody Murder 2 takes place during the few days immediately after camp is over, a clever excuse – as with the first installment – to explain the lack of any campers, which we all know is really due to the costs and complexities involved in a film of this nature having to hire a hundred or so adolescent children.

While Bloody Murder falls into the “so bad its good” domain, the sequel is actually a pretty good, low budget, slasher film. The long since clichéd sexism concerning the roles for women in these films is back in full effect; Woodruff, Amanda Magarian and scream queen Tiffany Shepis all look like they just wandered over to the set from a Maxim photo shoot. Woodruff takes the reins as the sweet, shy girl who plays our lead. All three of them are wearing extremely tight clothes, if they wear clothes at all, as in one memorable scene with Shepis.

Also, we start murdering people off fairly quick here in standard summer camp fashion: arrow through the neck on the archery range, stabbed with a knife in the shower, etc. The most gruesome involves Trevor hacking off some poor dude’s legs and then braining him with a rock.

As with the original, it’s ludicrous to expect anyone to believe that the actors playing these counselors just graduated from high school. Tracy’s boyfriend Mike, the usual unsympathetic dude who pretends to understand his girlfriend’s sensitivities in an attempt to get into her pants is played by an actor named Kelly Gunning. According to IMDB, Gunning was welcomed into the world one month before the good Doctor himself. However, as previously stated, this reoccurring characteristic has always added to my enjoyment when viewing movies of this nature, even more so on this particular viewing as I was into my third big can of Steel Reserve by the time things got underway. The Tuesday Night Cigar Club of course does not advocate heavy drinking, which should only ever take place in a controlled environment and under the watchful eyes of a trained medical professional. Having said that, I cannot speak to the efficacy of these movies if you are a tee-totaler.

The denouement of Bloody Murder 2 has a mystery twist and I will not be the one to spoil it. In summation, while the Bloody Murder films will never measure up to a good Sleepaway Camp or Friday the 13th, if you are fans of those franchises then you should do yourself a favor and check these out, preferably in a double feature on a Saturday night or Sunday afternoon. There is just something indefinable about that particular atmosphere, unoriginal that it may be these days, that keeps us heading back to camp. As always, The Doctor wishes you all a clean bill of health.